Wow!

According to this reciept, I just saved 50% on my groceries by shopping at Albertsons!

That’s incredible. I’m glad I didn’t go somewhere else. And I’m glad they have little flags on everything, telling me how much stuff ‘really’ costs… In some fairy tale land where people pay way too much for groceries.

Like the soda near the cash register. This little tag says I’m getting an amazing deal. I can get a 20 oz. Mountain Dew for only $1.29. That’s 30 cents in savings off the “full price”.

It’s a good thing I bought a two liter bottle. That’s something like a $3.90 discount off fairy-tale prices! I’m such a bargain shopper!

Who the eff pays $1.59 for a twenty oz. soda? I want to meet this dumbass.

Hey, buddy. Let me tell you about Maceys. You can get TWO two liter bottles of soda there for the price of that one 20 oz bottle. And you don’t even have to tell them your phone number to get the bro-deal.

Look at this:

• subtotal — 9.29
• tax — .58
• total — 9.87
• preferred savings — 9.59

And I’m even racking up points toward a free DVD. Ooh. I’ll just go out and buy more groceries. Gimme that free dvd.

They tell me how much they’ve saved me as if they’ve done me some sort of favor… Yeah. Thanks for the hookup, guys.

It’s not like I would have paid $20 for that stuff… If you were really charging that, I would have found somewhere else to shop. As it is, I paid a little more than I would have at Maceys or Smiths.

And you act like you’re helping me out.

I know how it really is. But I actually buy into it. I let you track my grocery purchases. I give you my contact information… And in return I get “hooked up” with almost normal prices on crap.

Thanks.