musings on personal space
so i was on a red-eye flight to new york last night. i was in an emergency exit row (an extra inch of leg room!) so i started flipping through the little comic strip "emergency instructions". being a responsible passenger, knowing the requirements of my seating location. (yes, i am willing and able to assist other passengers leaving the plane. yes i am over 15. yes, i can figure out how to pull that red lever that says "PULL" on it...)
the nervous looking woman seated next to me said "i hope we won't be needing that"
i laughed and made a joke about it.
turns out that she was serious.
as we started to taxi for takeoff, she cinched her seatbelt as tight as she could, and folded her coat on her lap. then she buried her head in her coat and didn't move until we hit 25000 feet. she got up and headed straight for the restroom.
while she was sitting there, in obvious distress, trying not to hyperventilate, i had a chance to contemplate our social rules. i wanted so badly to put my hand on her back, say something comforting... let her know i cared. i restrained myself.
how would she have taken it? how could she understand that i can actually care for someone that i've only exchanged a few sentences with? i don't know. but seeing her there with nobody to squeeze her hand made me hate our insensitive, lawsuit-happy country. everyone insulated from the hurt and fear and even happiness of everyone else around them.
the businessman on the other side of her never looked at her. never made eye contact with me. he just played breakout on his blackberry. the same one that he'd hidden under his leg instead of turning off and putting away like the stewardess had asked.
Comments
Holy crap. Yeah. Society if fucking insane,
I completely understand what you're talking about. Our society jumps to quick, and often wrong, conclusions when caring is shown. People aren't taken at face value any more.
Now, if I were in your situation, I would have said something...but I am also a woman, and I am rarely seen as any kind of a threat. It's different for a man, and it's unfortunate that that is the case, especially in light of your wonderful nature.
:)
One time I went to Safeway and out in front and there was a woman standing near the entrence crying her eyes out. People were just walking by her, some totally ignoring her some giving her nervious or pity glances. I went right up to her and asked if she wanted a hug. She nodded and collapsed into my arms and we ended up standing there hugging for probably 2 minutes or so. Then she let go said thanks and that was it. Its rough that more ppl arnt open to that. That must have been tough for you, especially afer spending the weekend being "touchy feely" with a bunch of dancers. I'm sad that you couldn't comfort her.
Dude I completely relate, I hate that about our society, and it's hard to have this love in your heart in a world that says it's inappropriate. I pretty much just don't abide by social rules that make me supress my heart, and I find that although some people are made uncomfortable by it, for the most part by fighting to stay true to yourself in a way that's obvious to others like that you cause others to question the current state of things and encourage them to be true to themselves as well
I feel ya man... I personally think that coming from a guy it is seen as more threatening than from a woman, but I feel it is sad nonetheless.... our society is self-absorbed as it is, but with the addition of the enormous quantity of lawsuit-happy morons it makes it even harder to express any kind of socially acceptable concern or interest in a stranger that needs help. Really sad...
Wow. And I agree with everyone that this a crazy lawsuit happy country and it's hard to know when you can and when you can't express yourself. It's also hard to know what kind of person you're dealing with sometimes. Because some people just don't like to be touched. Or, if it was the other way around and and I was wanting to comfort a nervous man sitting next to me for a long flight, I'd be afraid he might take it the wrong way and think I'm making a pass. That would make us both incredibly uncomfortable. It's frustrating trying to figure out what the right choice is sometimes!
i hate people today. especially that lame guy with the blackberry.
ya, i agree with everyone. i probably would have talked to her and seen if she was ok with squeezing my hand. i don't know, sometimes just talking with someone about it can help. that guy with the berry thing, i would have wanted to hit him! what an ass!